I can say I would lay down my life in an instant for His kingdom’s cause because I know I will spend eternity with Him and in the midst of His perfect and endless love!- but it is wearying to think about living in this messed up broken world being a messed up broken person. Yes He has redeemed me and given me a new heart, new purpose, and new life! But it can be despairing to live in a broken place, still falling into sin.
What a privilege it is, what an honor, blessing, and true test of grace it has been in my life to have the Creator God of the universe to test and approve me through trials and tribulations... and for me to come out sanctified and not cast aside. I love Him, more dearly than I ever have before in this life, because He showed me His love in ways I cannot describe. To know His grace when I was left destitute, to know His peace when life's storms buffeted me about, to know His love when I was otherwise forsaken, to know His kindness when others were harsh, to know His Spirit when mine seemed lost, to know His forgiveness when I felt unlovable, to know Him as Comforter when I felt I could never know comfort, to know Him as Healer when I felt forever broken and wounded, to know Him as my rock when all else seemed shaken, to know Him as my salvation when it felt I would never be saved from the pit of despair. Oh my, how wonderful our God is! I have lost, yet I have gained so much in Christ. Whatever cost He deems necessary, by His grace I will submit to His will. Come what may, He is my all in all. If He had not chosen me, what a wretch I would still be. I will love Him, for He has chosen the life I am to lead, so He will give me grace to walk in whatever He has planned for me.
And I am so thankful for the man He has given as my husband to walk this life with. A true treasure he is. (: