Let begin by stating what should be obvious, but may not be obvious: I disagree with a lot of the conclusions this non-christian blogger had. In fact, it made my skin crawl a little bit. I was a little shocked. I was a little mortified. But I did sympathize with her a bit. Am I perfect? Am I the model of motherhood? Am I dancing on daisies and dandelions with my child each and every moment of the day? No, of course not. But I still disagree with the article none the less. Some of the things she said were ok, but where she arrives at afterward not so much.
Let's begin with her opening statement, the "It will be hard but sooooo worth it." Yes, it is true I've heard that a million times myself. And let's be honest, it's absolutely true. Her point is no one tells you what "hard" means. Fair enough. I can understand that. But life is about living, and if there is one thing I have learned in this life is that you will never be "ready" for the next thing. God prepares us as He sees fit then throws us another thing to juggle and learn to be the new "normal". He makes us ready by being in the midst of it, learning as we go. I didn't feel "ready" to be courted, or engaged, or married, or to become a mother. But every single new scary and exciting thing has been just what I needed at just the right time in my life. It is all about being sanctified. God uses these things in our life to mold us more into the image of our dear beautiful Saviour!
And here is the crux of the issue: she is apparently not a Christian. So Christians should not heed her advice. I am going to endeavor to respond to her more in depth. A biblical response to her points.
Point Number 1: Sometimes it Doesn't Feel Worth it.
Should we really question the sovereign plan of God "wondering why we ever became moms at all"? We are human, and we may have doubts. But she is justifying wrong feelings and emotions. You may not feel like feeding a baby at 1 am then 3 am then 4:30 am, etc. It's a huge adjustment at first. But it is a labor love. I think scripture proves to be extremely wise and practical when it teaches:
"that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children" Titus 2:4
Young women need to be taught to love their children, yes we have maternal instincts, but we are still sinners being sanctified and need to be instructed. We may not all be blessed with godly older women in our lives, but if you are in a bible believing church, chances are there is at least one godly older woman. That's one of the many reasons it is so important to be a part of a local church. (My church is pretty small, but I feel confident that I could seek advice from any of the ladies older than me). So if you are struggling to love that precious child when he is screaming in the middle of the night, you need to seek the friendship and mentorship of a seasoned older woman. You need prayer. You need encouragement. You need to be taught what it means to be a godly young mother. Sometimes life is the best teacher, but in this sinful chaotic humanistic world, we need wisdom and prudence guiding us in the form of a dear sister in Christ. This is what God has set down in scripture.
This blogger says it's ok to want the past back, to let your mind wander to life before motherhood. False.
"casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ," 1 Corinthians 10:5
Point Number 2: No One Will Be Affected By Their Cries Like You.
Point Number 3: You're Going To Have Bad Dreams.
For any parent, you already know about meconium. For those who don't know, it's the first poop of a baby's life that is black, tarry, sticky, and super scary. The baby needs to pee and poop a certain amount in the first few days to make sure they are eating enough/gaining enough. Well, the first couple days no poop was coming, and he wasn't peeing much. We were both very worried at first. But in those moments of holding my little boy and looking down at his tiny little face, the Spirit of God moved me to cry out and pray to God that He would make this baby poop! Yes. I literally prayed that. I told God of my worries and uncertainties, asking Him to enable me to trust Him and His design, to calm my heart, etc. But in everything. And I did pray in everything, even about my child's lack of bowel movement. And you know what? The next day was a major blow out (like out the diaper up the back kinda blow out). And we thanked God for it. And I thanked God that my sweet husband selflessly cleaned that baby up without missing a beat (I must admit it was kind of funny to watch, holding a naked newborn trying to get that black sticky mess off).
Point Number 4: You Will Feel Like an Ungrateful Jerk.
Maybe you do feel like an ungrateful jerk even though you know many women wish to have a baby. I know of friends who desperately want one baby, or maybe just a second one. But this blogger says, yes it's totally ok for you to feel ungrateful!! She says your feelings are totally justified and warranted. *Cue Buzzer Sound*. Wrong again. Not only that, but she says no need to enjoy every moment of motherhood.
*Deep breath* First off, scripture says we are to rejoice and give thanks in everything, being content in whatever situation we are in.
"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
It's not like this applies solely to new moms/dads. But to everyone in whatever season and trial they are going through. I am continually learning what an incredibly uncomfortable sanctifying tool marriage is, and now, motherhood is. Nothing like living with other people to show you how selfish you really are. I am learning every day what it means to sacrifice for those that I love. When I am dead tired in the middle of the night and hear the baby stir, I don't want to get up immediately, but I do. I want to pick him up before he cried and wakes (1st) Samuel up. Then I enjoy the sleepy cuddles. Every day I see him gaining new skills, growing, and changing. This season is passing so quickly and I want to enjoy it as much as I can!
And if being a new mom feels like a trial there is scripture to talk to that as well:
"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." James 1:2-4
Point Number 5: You Won't Want This Phase to End, And Yet You Can't Wait For it to End.
"To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven:"
and so we are to enjoy the moments we are in, not worried about the changes, but living in the midst of them one day at a time. There is a balance to be had. And if you believe what scripture teaches about children, that they are a blessing from the Lord, then chances are, Lord willing, you will have more babies and get to enjoy the baby season all over again.
Upon her closing statements she says new mommy's are going to have more feelings and emotions than you ever knew was possible. Yes, with those hormones going haywire, it's definitely going to be a fun ride. But this does not mean that it's ok to justify sinful responses. It does not mean, we as Christian mommy's, have any reason to disregard the teachings of scripture.
"All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness," 2 Timothy 3:16
So what do people not tell you about the first 3 months of motherhood? That like anything new in life, it will be hard. But when we are trusting in our amazing, wonderful, loving, merciful, and good God, it is absolutely worth it. For we may feel overwhelmed, but He is holding us in His right hand. He does not give us more than He knows is for our good. Maybe we don't feel like we can handle it, but God handles all things within His sovereign hands.
And as I think about my precious son and the past 7 1/2 months I am so humbled and grateful for the good gift God has given me: a family. I am acutely aware of one thing from my experience, and it is this: that those who undergo severe trials tend to know intimately the goodness of God as they have been broken and only He has held you together. Since I have no relationship with my own family, I have known the sweetness of this truth,
"God sets the solitary in families;" Psalm 68:6
This life is so worth it when we live for the glory of our precious Lord, to know His love, to make Him known!