Thursday, December 31, 2015

Goodbye 2015

Has it really been 6 months since I last posted? Oops, I guess I failed at completing my blogging once a month goal for 2015. Well, I had no idea how busy two little people could make one momma. But I didn't blog consistently before that, so I guess I'm out of excuses! As I sit here waiting for my Creamy Pumpkin Tea to steep, I reflect on what this year has meant.  It has been a very blessed year indeed. Some highlights include trips of various kinds, but the best of all was the birth of my little David Livingstone Allison! An early birthday present to me, he was born August 16, 2015, and my birthday is August 31. Really I couldn't have asked for anything more well timed than his arrival, the experience was easier than my first labor, and I had way more energy as I welcomed this tiny little human being into the world for the first time.

There is something incredible about laboring and going through the hardest physical event in my life and then those sweet blissful moments immediately after as you look into those tiny little eyes. There is no way to describe it, words cannot contain the love that wells up in this momma's heart. But there certainly are physiological explanations of the rush of the "love" hormone as your baby is born. Love indeed! Oh sweet baby love. It really is a thing. With 2015, I am braver. I am less afraid.  I am proud of the fact that I had another home birth, My boys are the most beautiful gifts God has ever given us, and to have that beauty magnified and intensified by a natural birth, in my own home, with the most amazing birth team (Paula Davis, Leah Larson, Dawn Housos, and Lisa Rutledge!!), is something I never knew I had the strength to go through and finish, It is absolutely worth it.

2015 has been both empowering through the healing and strength of Jesus Christ, and humbling knowing how weak and feeble I am apart from that source of strength. I know who I am, and I am His. I know that this life He has given me is both beautiful and worth every hard decision I have made. I would not be who I am without what He has had me walk through. And so I smile. So I laugh. 2nd Samuel has such an infectious laugh and I am letting go more and more to have that hearty laughter erupt from deep within me. To let the joy overflow, to enjoy the moments, to enjoy the days, to enjoy what God has given me. Truly I am so undeserving of two such precious little gifts. But being a mom of two is harder, and there have been days when I would cry, get stressed out, get overwhelmed at how tedious and time consuming everything would take, and let Satan steal my joy. And I realized, I really don't have it as together as I thought. Why would I be crazy enough to miss the special moments with my two little boys, yes they grow so fast, but the hours go SO. SLOW. God has humbled me, I cannot do everything I thought I ought. Instead I had to apologize to some and say, "I just can't do that right now, I don't have time." Because my time should be filled with a laughing baby who coos with delight just when I smile and say "Hi!", and with moments of "Another book?!" from an energetic boy who just wants, "Momma lap!", and brings the books to pile on, to snuggle longer, and teach him how things work. Yes, slowing down, organizing, reassessing, and being honest have made the days so abundant. This Christian life, living in accordance with God's word, it doesn't always come easy, but it comes with the help of the Holy Spirit of God sanctifying, molding, shaping, humbling, and making me more like Christ. And how can I be purified unless the fire rages? It brings out the impurity I never even knew was there, that sin lurking, that joy stealing.

And so I have a 4 1/2 month old who is cutting two teeth, What?! And a two year old who loves helping momma, who loves sharing his favorite toys with his brother, and who loves all things tractors, backhoes, and even books. But TWO. How can he be TWO already?! I know exactly where the time is going. It is going into teaching, loving, nurturing, and shaping the eternal soul of not just one, but now two, little boys. My time is in serving. My life is serving King Jesus, my family, His people, the lost and broken, and doing so with joy, pure joy.

I have loved 2015 and all that the Lord has taught me. I love this life He has given me. I have loved weathering the changes, when once upon a time I was terrified of change and dreaded it and feared it. Praise God for every single good gift He has bestowed upon this weak and needy child of His. I thought I knew what "I need Thee every hour" meant with one baby, but oh boy, I know it more dearly with two.

Left is January at a dear friend's wedding, and Right is September. WOW how much he has grown in less than a year. (:

My prayer for 2016 is that I might know God better, and better make Him known. To glorify Him and to enjoy Him. And through that, be the wife, mother, friend, and person who exemplifies my Savior day by day.

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