And so on this day, November 14, 2014 my precious little bundle of joy turns one year old today. This year has gone by quickly and slowly all at once. Many nights have seemed long, and many days seemed short. One day it seemed he would always need to be held or propped up, then suddenly, quite wobbly, he sat on his own. Then scooted, then crawled, then cruised, now he walks! We are still waiting to hear him talk intelligible words, though he does love to babble incessantly, I am convinced that he is convinced he truly is talking. Though he does communicate. He says some warbled sounds and points to something, and momma knows he is asking what is that? He nervously laughs and he is needing reassurance. And even in a look, we communicate. Oh yes, even in the arching of his back when momma wants him to sit in her lap, or sit in his high chair, that communicates defiance!
I am constantly amazed that I get this beautiful privilege of watching a life develop before my eyes. It is astounding just how much a person changes in this first one short year. God's handiwork is quite wonderful to behold. As my father in law says a lot, they understand far more than most people give babies credit for. When you see them as an eternal soul, a person made in the image of God, it is much easier to look at them and see a little intelligent person, not some tiny little being who can't understand until much older. No, my little man is a covenant child of God and although I still slip into "baby talk" voice to him sometimes, for the most part I strive to talk to him as such. For it is a great joy to be a catalyst in helping him learn about God's world around him. To read to him, to sing to him, to hug him, hold him, to talk to him, to show him things, to include him in my every day activities rather than view him as a hindrance to my daily affairs. He surprises me daily and it is quite a delight to see him discover this world.
As I ponder the deep love I have for my son, I often recount in my days prior to being a mother how I honestly could not understand just how a mom can love her child so much. I mean, sometimes it looked like they were inconvenient, disobedient, unpleasant, annoying and a hassle! Well, as the saying goes, "From the outside looking in you can't understand it, and from the inside looking out you can't explain it." I was not prepared for how love for my son would affect me so deeply, truly, honestly, and sweetly. God made me a mother when gifting me with this child. And through this child, I have changed so much. I am not the same person I was a year ago when my son was birthed. Being a mother has sanctified me in precious ways. I am more organized, more disciplined, and altogether less selfish than before he entered into this world. I truly believe marriage and child(ren) are two of God's biggest sanctifying tools around! I love my son more and more as I get to know him better. For all the labor, birth, and other books I read to prepare for his entrance into this world and after, I was wholly unprepared for the love that filled my heart. Some people describe it as "love at first sight", but for me, it wasn't like that at all. It was pure shock that this tiny little person just came out of me! And I think I was in shock for days, but every time I held him on my chest and in my arms, it melted my heart. Every time I got to hold him to my breast and watch him eat, I was filled with wonder at the beauty of God's design that little old me could feed a a sweet baby and literally nourish him! Every time he cried my heart was seized with concern and trying to figure out his needs. As the days wore on, my love just grew and grew. It was altogether the most humbling realization that this tiny little life depended on me for his every need, how helpless he was apart from me. It made me want to strive even harder to care for him to the best of my ability knowing that he was entrusted to my (and Samuel's) care. He is my precious child.
May, meeting his great grandma and grandpa (and pictured above, Sam Allison, Peter Sam, Allison, Samuel Allison, and 2nd Samuel Allison)
It has been a blessed year adjusting, learning, growing, changing, and being together. I would not trade being a mother caring for her child at home for anything.