In Review: One, Two, & Three

Ok, so the title of the book(s) I read was not "One, Two & Three", but rather my meaning is that I have three reviews for this month.  I finished the first one in a couple weeks, the other one over the weekend, and the other was one Samuel and I read together.  March Madness!-of books.  Not Basketball.

The first one is one I had on my list.  The Revolution: A Manifesto, Ron Paul.  The Revolution is associated with Ron Paul and his awakening of many formerly ignorant and/or apathetic American's to the demise of Liberty and the treading on our Constitutional rights.  He wrote this book during his 2008 campaign, and in his preface he said why he wrote it:

      "There is an alternative to national bankruptcy, a bigger police state, trillion-dollar wars, and a government that draws evermore parasitically on the productive energies of the American people.  It's called freedom.  But as we've learned through hard experience, we are not going to hear a word in its favor if out political and media establishments have anything to say about it.
     If we want to live in a free society, we need to break free from these artificial limitations on free debate and start asking serious questions once again.  I am happy that my campaign for the presidency has finally raised some of them.  But this is a long-term project that will persist far into the future.  These ideas cannot be allowed to die, buried beneath the mind-numbing chorus of empty slogans and inanities that constitute official political discourse in America.
     That is why I wrote this book." pp. x-xi

 Also from the preface, one of my favorite lines was penned: "Truth is treason in the empire of lies."  Pure gold.  The further I got into this book, the more my mind screamed, "All the naysayers of Dr. Paul NEED to read this to get a glimpse of how intelligently sound his ideas and policies are!"-as opposed to the popular belief that he is a "kook" or "crazy".  Hardly.  If one can be so narrow minded as to believe what the media establishment frames him to be, and not research his policies, words, and own thoughts, and see for themselves whether he is crazy or not, then I declare them: deluded and blind.  Willful or not.  Dr. Paul is a champion for liberty for all Americans, even those who write him off.

I like the idea of letting the book speak for itself, and sharing a few excerpts of the words to tell their own story.  So I'll continue this trend.  From the chapter "The Foreign Policy of the Founding Fathers":

"This just-war tradition developed in the fourth century with Ambrose and Augustine but grew to maturity with Thomas Aquinas and such Late Scholastics as Francisco de Vitoria and Francisco Suarez... First, there has to be an initial act of aggression, in response to which a just war may be waged.  But there was no act of aggression against the United States.  We are 6,000 miles from Iraq... Second, diplomatic solutions had not been exhausted... Traditional just-war criteria also demand that the initiation of war be undertaken by the proper authority.  Under the U.S. constitution, the proper authority is neither the president nor the United Nations.  It is Congress-but Congress unconstitutionally delegated its decision-making power over war to the president." pp. 23

"How does Israel, with which the United States has long enjoyed a special relationship, fir into this picture?  I see no reason that our friendship with Israel cannot continue.  I favor extending to Israel the same honest friendship that Jefferson and the Founding Fathers urged us to offer all nations... that means I also favor discontinuing foreign aid to governments that are actual or potential enemies of Israel, which taken together receive much more American aid than Israel does.  Giving aid to both sides has understandably made many average Israelis and American Jews conclude that the American government is hypocritically hedging its bets." pp. 34

"Foreign aid is not only immoral, since it involved the forced transfer of wealth..." pp. 34

" As a matter of fact, the Institute for Advances Strategic and Political Studies in Jerusalem argues that, 'Foreign aid is the greatest obstacle to economic freedom in Israel." pp. 35

"The costs of our foreign policy have become so great that they risk bringing the country to bankruptcy." pp 35

"We should let the best measure of our American greatness come from free and peaceful trade with other nations, not from displays of our military might."  pp. 37

The next chapter is "The Constitution":

" 'Our peculiar security is in possession of a written Constitution,' Jefferson advised us.  'Let us not make it a blank paper by construction.' " pp. 45 (For those that think it is a "living document"!)

"The draft is a totalitarian institution that is based on the idea that the government owns you and can dispose of your life as it wishes... Young people are now raw material to be employed by the political class on behalf of whatever fashionable political, military, or social cause catches its fancy.  In a free society, their lives are not the playthings of government."  pp. 55, 58

"The Founding Fathers did not intend for every American neighborhood to be exactly the same-a totalitarian impulse if there ever was one-or that disputes over competing values should be decided by federal judges.  This is the constitutional approach to deciding all issues that are not spelled out explicitly in our founding document: let neighbors and localities govern themselves." pp 62

And this is the chapter entitled "Economic Freedom":

"By 'legal plunder' Bastiat meant any use of government that enriched one group of people at the expense of another, and which would be illegal if private individuals tried to carry it out themselves." pp. 70

"I cannot finish a discussion of looting without mentioning the income tax... The income tax implies the same thing: government owns you, and graciously allows you to keep whatever percentage of the fruits of your labor it chooses." pp. 78

"We have lost our belief that freedom works, because we no longer have the imagination to conceive of how a free people might solve its problems without introducing threats of violence-which is what government solutions ultimately are."  pp. 85

"HMO's have become corporate bureaucratic middlemen in our healthcare system, driving up costs while degrading the quality of medical care.  In all other industries, technology has nearly always led to lower prices-except in health care, thanks to the managed-care system that has been forced on us." pp. 87
 
This next chapter is on "Civil Liberties and Personal Freedom":

"Toward the end of 2007, Senator Jeff Sessions declared, 'Some people in this chamber love the Constitution more than they love the safety of this nation.  We should all send President Bush a letter thanking him for protecting us.'  What kind of sheep must politicians take Americas for if the expect us to fall for creepy propaganda like this?" pp. 125 *chuckles*

I will spare you of the entire book via quotations.  But it such a light and easy read, you could finish it in one setting, if you had the time to spare.  Dr. Paul is not perfect, and I do not agree with everything he says.  But for an introduction into the concept of Liberty and the lack in American politics, I highly recommend this book.  Dr. Paul is a man of integrity, who is consistent, and deserves to be respected. 

So I give this book 4 1/2 Stars.  4) being, a really great book, useful to instruct, thought provoking/good entertainment, very challenging, growth as a reader, way more good than bad (I really didn't have any qualms with anything he said in this book), would recommend. Worth reading again.

Book Two:  The Last Disciple Hank HaneGraff, Sigmund Brouwer

This is a fictional novel about the end times.  End times?  Indeed.  Set in AD 65.  By far the best fiction I've read in a while (could also be because I haven't read any fiction in quite a while).  Also, this blows "Left Behind" out of the water.  Yes, I read the entirety of the "Adult Series" of Left Behind AND almost all of the "Kids Series", so I have the right to comparison in full depth.  My only caution about this book would be that it is more for mature Christian readers.  I would not want a young person to read it.  By young, it is relative, there can be extremely mature 16 year olds, and very immature 17 years olds.  But I would not recommend any younger than that simply because some of the sinful nature described in the book is slightly graphic for a *Christian* book.  But let it be said, I've read worse in the so called "Christian fiction", think Karen Kingsbury (and she is pretty mild compared to others).

An excerpt from the Afterword:

"The Last Disciple presents an alternative to the Left Behind understanding of end times events based on a methodology called Exegetical Eschatology (E2)... the plain and proper reading of a biblical passage must always take precedence over a particular eschatological presupposition or paradigm.

For example, the pretribulational rapture model featured in the Left Behind series interprets Revelation 13 in a strictly literal fashion.  Thus, Antichrist dies and resurrects himself physically in order to vindicate his claim to be god...

In sharp contrast, The Last Disciple series exegetes Revelation 13 in light of the whole of scripture.  Thus, Satan can parody the work of Christ, through "all kinds of counterfeit miracles, signs and wonders" (2 Thessalonians 2:9), but cannot literally do what Christ did-namely raise himself from the dead." pp. 393-394

This receives a 4 Star. 4) being, a really great book, useful to instruct, thought provoking/good entertainment, very challenging, growth as a reader, way more good than bad, would recommend. Worth reading again.An enjoyable book to read.

Book Three: Easy Chairs Hard Words, Douglas Wilson.

Remember when I did my review on Luther's Bondage of the will?-and I said I would not recommend it to someone interested in this topic of an enslaved will for the first time?  Well, this is the book I would highly recommend!  This book was written in a conversational style, making it very easy to follow the concepts, ideas, and scripture, without it feeling like a heavy, boring, plodding theological work.  Anywhere from Jr. High level reading, to adult reading.  It is set up as a young man going to a "Calvinist" pastor of the town secretly to ask him some questions about his struggles.  Doug Wilson does an excellent job knocking down all the horrible stereotypes about so called "Calvinists" and instead avoids the term, but rather presents the fictional character, and the reader, with a plethora of scripture to show how scripture interprets scripture, and we never ever throw out the word of God just because it doesn't fit our theology.

Whether you are scared of predestination, election, and the full sovereignty of God, whether it depresses you, whether you hate it and shake you first saying *That's not my God!*, or you already accept God's word on these matters, this is an excellent book to read, or give to a friend.

One thing we really liked about this book was the amount of time and space Scripture took up in this book.  It wasn't a bunch of straw men Doug knocks down, or even a bunch of impersonal opinions of doctrine, but rather a riveting magnified look at scripture side by side, topic by topic, going into the Greek on occasion.

God receives all the glory due his name.

This book gets the gold.  5 Stars.  5) being, found enjoyable, challenging, useful in many ways, would highly recommend with no holding back, over all EXCELLENT book. Need to read again!

So there you have it, my bonus reviews. I enjoyed March and the diversity of the books I was able to consume.  One political, one fictional, one theological. I think this month I may do more than one review as well.  I've already finished one book. (:

Soli Deo Gloria & Sola Scriptura!

The Troublesome Sins, and Not So Troublesome Ones?

I found these words from a brother of times past, John Owen, to be very encouraging, humbling, and even convicting.  I hope you find comfort, encouragement, and conviction in them too.

John Own, Works pp. VI:40-42

“You who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart.” Romans 6:17

You cannot mortify a specific lust that is troubling you unless you are seeking to obey the Lord from the heart in all area.  If a man finds a particular lust that is powerful and violent and it takes away his peace and troubles him, and if he sets himself against it, prays against it, groans under it, and sighs to be delivered; but in the meantime, perhaps, in other duties and in other ways he is loose and negligent, he will not be able to gain the victory over that troubling lust.  This is a common condition among the sons of men in their pilgrimage.  If we seek to correct a coarse or filthy outbreak of sin in the soul, but neglect the basic duties that promote our spirituality, we labour in vain for it has a bad foundation.  We must hate all sin, as sin, and not only because it troubles us.  Love for Christ because he went to the cross, and hate for sin that sent him there, is a solid foundation for true spiritual mortification.  To seek mortification only because a sin troubles us proceeds from self-love.  Why do you seek to mortify this sin?-Because it troubles you and takes away your peace/  Yes, but you have neglected prayer and reading.  Neglect of these is just as sinful.  Christ bled for these also.  If you hate sin as sin, you will be watchful against everything that grieves the Spirit.  Do you think God will help you in such a hypocritical effort?  Do you think he will free you from this so you can commit another sin that grieves him?  ‘No’, says God, ‘If I free him from this lust, I will not hear from him anymore, and he will be content with his failure.’  We must not be concerned only with that which troubles us, but with all that troubles God.  God’s work is to have full victory, and universal obedience, not just the sins that trouble our soul. (Emphasis my own).

In Review: The Bondage of the Will

Well then, what is my opinion on Dr. Martin Luther's Bondage of the Will?  It is a theme on this blog, so apparently, I am in favor of it!  Indeed, I am.  Martin Luther uses humor, wit, and scripture through out his entire book.  Who would have thought you could chuckle and grin so many times whilst reading a theological book?  If you read this book, you will too.

I will now include some of his humorous words, wit, and dare I say it, sarcasm!-in which he used in his rebuttal to Erasmus's Diatribe.

"So that it seems even superfluous to reply to these your arguments, which have been indeed often refuted by me; but trodden down, and trampled underfoot, by the incontrovertible Book of Philip Melancthon 'Concerning Theological Questions:' a book, in my judgment, worthy not only of being immortalized... in comparison of which your Book is in my estimate, so mean and vile that I greatly feel for you for having defiled you most beautiful and ingenious language with such vile trash; and I feel an indignation against the matter also, that such unworthy stuff should be borne about in ornaments of eloquence so rare; which is as if rubbish, or dung, should be carried in vessels of gold and silver." Pgs. 9-10

Who else but Luther might give compliments and stinging blow upon the ego all at once, with such elegance and colorful language?

"Do you think the Diatribe could be sober or in its right sense when it wrote this?  For I cannot attribute it to malice or iniquity: unless it be that it designed to effectually wear me out by perpetually wearying me, while this, ever like itself, it is continually turning aside to something in a matter so important, then I will be pleased to expose its voluntary fooleries publicly." pg. 196

*grins*

"Wonderful!  Surely the Diatribe does not speak this out of its own head, but has taken it out of some paper or other, sent or received from another quarter, inserted it in its book!  For it certainly can neither see nor hear the meaning of these words!" pg. 176

*chuckles*

"And thus the Diatribe explodes itself." pg. 167

Haha! Favorite!

"May I perish if the Diatribe itself knows what it is talking about." pg. 160

"Only observe, I pray you how many evasions and ways of escape a slippery mind will invent, which wold flee from the truth, and yet cannot get away from it after all." pgs. 155-156

And I ask you, dear reader, how could you resist to engage in such a book with such gems sprinkled through out?  These are but a few in the latter half of the book.  I started highlighting some of these grin inducing remarks alongside the thought inducing remarks made.  I trust you are entirely diverted by such grand writing.

Now, as a serious thought on the book, in many ways I found it to be over my head.  Which is great!  How can one grow in knowledge if you only read books you fully comprehend?  I can say with confidence that though I learned a great deal from reading this book, there is still room for numerous more readings of this one work in the future.  Many times over.

For the heart of the matter, this is a book about the Free-will of man concerning salvation, and the refutation thereof.  It is manifestly clear to Luther, proven by the scriptures, that man possesses no such will.  A good quote from the book sums up why:

"We know that man was constituted lord over those things which are beneath himself; over which, he has a right and a Free-will, that those things might do, and obey as he wills and thinks.  But we are now inquiring whether he has a 'Free-will' over God, that He should do and obey in those things which man wills: or rather, whether God has not a Free-will over man, that he should will and do what God wills, and should be able to do nothing but what He wills and does.  The Baptist (speaking of John) here says, that he 'can receive nothing, except it be given him from above.'-Wherefore, 'Free-will' must be nothing at all!" pg 234

In essence, it is God has Free-will over man VS Man has Free-will over God, in regards to salvation.  Luther is really put out by all the contradictions the Diatribe has, for in one place it declares man cannot gain salvation or do good without the grace of God, then in another place it labors to declare man has the free-will to endeavor after good. Here he says,

"that which was aimed at to be proved, that is, the PROBABLE OPINION; by which, 'Free-will' is defined to be that impotency, 'that it cannot will anything good without grace, but is compelled into the service of sin; though it has endeavour, which, nevertheless, is not to be ascribed to its own powers.'-A monster truly! which, at the same time, can do nothing by its own power, and yet has an endeavour within its own power: and thus, stands upon the basis of a most manifest contradiction!" pg. 110

Luther is asserting in diverse places, that it is a contradiction to say "free-will" can't do good, but at the same time say it can apply itself unto eternal salvation!  He also brings forward this problem: If God does not foreknow and will all things immutably, not contingently, how can anyone trust his promises?

"For if you doubt, or disdain to know that God foreknows and wills all things, not contingently, but necessarily and immutably, how can you believe confidently, trust to and depend upon His promises?  For when He promises, it is necessary that you should be certain that He knows, is able, and willing to perform what He promises; otherwise, you will neither hold Him true nor faithful; which is unbelief, the greatest wickedness, and a denying of the Most High God" pg. 30

Be it said, that Luther is replying to another book, and so this is not a book that just picks up the topic and explains it from scratch.  For all his sarcasm and his fierce devotion the scriptures, he is not lacking grace toward Erasmus.  In his closing he says,

"We must mutually pardon each other in these things; for we are but men, and there is nothing in us that is not touched with human infirmity." pg 199

I enjoyed reading this.  The first half of the book has notes galore and lots of places highlighted where I liked his points, arguments, and explanations.  This made for more laborious reading, and thus, I quickly got behind in my reading schedule.  So I was content to ease up on my notes and to content myself with a quick highlighting of important things to note.  The latter half will be filled with my thoughts via the margins the second reading, perhaps.  I would make mention of the fact that this book is written in a style that is not commonly used in modern writing and makes it "harder" to read, but I recommend it none the less.  Let it be a challenge. Perhaps the excerpts I shared will whet your appetite.

I'm not sure I would recommend this book to anyone interested in the topic of "Free-will" vs "Enslaved Will" who has never delved into the topic before, I might direct them toward someone like Dr. R.C. Sproul first.  (Which, one of his books is on my reading list in this year).  But I do recommend this book whole-heartedly!  I appreciated this copy by Watchmaker Publishing translated by Henry Cole (1823) because of his helpful footnotes.  There is some theology in it in which he contrasts what John Calvin would say on the same topic, or further clarification in the Westminster Confession of Faith.  I would be interested to obtain the copy with which Packer gives the introduction.  Needless to say, I liked this book and found it very informative, and appreciated Dr. Martin Luther's loyalty to the Holy Scriptures, and his being stalwart in his devotion to God's word above man's opinions and good feelings.

I forgot to add my rating.  It gets the big FIVE star.  5) being, found enjoyable, challenging, useful in many ways, would highly recommend with no holding back, over all EXCELLENT book. Need to read again!

How To Read a Book: In Review

Month one and book one are complete.  It is a nice feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment to know I am on track on completing my over all goal, by meeting this small goal.

I decided to share a few thoughts about each book after I complete them, and as a spur of the moment decision, give my own rating.  What will my ratings be?  A scale of 1-5 (Subject to change upon my own whim and will).

1) being, complete waste. Why did I finish it?
2) being, minimally thought provoking/entertaining. Won’t read it again.
3) being, borderline useful/wasteful. mild usefulness in instruction about the faults in it/mildly entertaining; Enough good to be challenged, grow a little in thought. Might read it again.
4) being, a really great book, useful to instruct, thought provoking/good entertainment, very challenging, growth as a reader, way more good than bad, would recommend. Worth reading again.
5) being, found enjoyable, challenging, useful in many ways, would highly recommend with no holding back, over all EXCELLENT book. Need to read again!

~~*~~**~~*~~

So, what is my rating for "How To Read a Book"?  I would give it a 4.  I plan to read it again sometime in the future.

One of the main points it made is if you understand a book you can some it up in one sentence (or a few if it's a long book), if you can't, you need to re-read it to understand.  So my one sentence is also an attempt to be witty:

How To Read A Book, is an instructional piece of literature that is meant to be exhaustive, and applied exhaustively.

Now, if you read the book you *might* catch the humor, or you may think my wit was not at all witty... in any event, I will explain.  It instructs that you must be a demanding reader, which means a myriad of steps, but the essence is that you must be engaged in reading using only your mind to come to understand the book (which is exhausting), and to exhaust all the information you can.  Exhaust the resource, and the mind.  (This review sounded so much better in my head... I need to work on reviews obviously).

I felt the book was owed a demanding critique of a review due to the content, and if I didn't, then I would be forsaking this new knowledge by not applying it on it's own work.  But honestly? I'm exhausted! (; Seriously.  It deserves praise for it is a tutor presenting knowledge and helpful tips, tricks, and rules to educating yourself and pulling yourself up above the status quo by teaching you how to be a demanding reader.  Books over your head are but a challenge to read to learn and grow as a reader and a person.

The information I obtained will be immensely helpful in reading the difficult works ahead of me. (I tremble to think of John Owen's The Death of Death... eek!) Also, I need to work on my understanding of grammar.

So yes, I do recommend reading this book, stat.  Make it your next book project.  The only major problem I have is that it is a secular work and the authors do not acknowledge Christ as Lord, and thus some of their worldview is vastly different.  I disagree on a few points, but a mature reader will take note and look past it.

This is my rough review. Edits might come later. Until then, I am off to drink passion tea and read Luther.

What Do I Love Most?

What do I love most?  I say I love God more than life itself.  Easy.  Simply. 

But it’s far more challenging, far more effort, far more consuming to live out that loving Him better than anything in life.  Do I love Him more than my pride?-my sin?  What about more than my family, friends, and materialistic blessings?

I can say I would lay down my life in an instant for His kingdom’s cause because I know I will spend eternity with Him and in the midst of His perfect and endless love!- but it is wearying to think about living in this messed up broken world being a messed up broken person.  Yes He has redeemed me and given me a new heart, new purpose, and new life!  But it can be despairing to live in a broken place, still falling into sin.

~~ ---- ~~

This was written sometime early in 2011.  And it brings tears to my eyes to even think of it, even if it was incomplete thoughts.  Oh, how absolutely faithful God is!-how true He is!-How wonderful He is!  It is indeed more consuming to live out loving Him better than anything in life.  And let me be the first to tell you, the refining fires of God have tested this most heatedly, most acutely, and most assuredly in my life. 

What a privilege it is, what an honor, blessing, and true test of grace it has been in my life to have the Creator God of the universe to test and approve me through trials and tribulations... and for me to come out sanctified and not cast aside.  I love Him, more dearly than I ever have before in this life, because He showed me His love in ways I cannot describe.  To know His grace when I was left destitute, to know His peace when life's storms buffeted me about, to know His love when I was otherwise forsaken, to know His kindness when others were harsh, to know His Spirit when mine seemed lost, to know His forgiveness when I felt unlovable, to know Him as Comforter when I felt I could never know comfort, to know Him as Healer when I felt forever broken and wounded, to know Him as my rock when all else seemed shaken, to know Him as my salvation when it felt I would never be saved from the pit of despair.  Oh my, how wonderful our God is!  I have lost, yet I have gained so much in Christ.  Whatever cost He deems necessary, by His grace I will submit to His will.  Come what may, He is my all in all.  If He had not chosen me, what a wretch I would still be.  I will love Him, for He has chosen the life I am to lead, so He will give me grace to walk in whatever He has planned for me.

And I am so thankful for the man He has given as my husband to walk this life with.  A true treasure he is. (:

A Room Without Books...

...is like a body without a soul.

If there is something that was very marked about 2012 (other than getting married!), it would be my lack of writing and my lack of reading books.  The only book I read consistently was the bible, or what I was reading with my dear Husband.  Of course, there were a few I did read and finish, but far less than in times past.  I started reading multiple works of literature at sundry times, but for a reason unbeknownst to me, I did not finish them.  Which is almost a crime, and most definitely a travesty, in my book!  I feel compelled to completion to the books I pick up.

Last night as I pondered many things about 2012, the lack of books was one of them.  I wanted to remedy that with the ushering in of a new year, and it being a new day.  So my goal is to read no less than 12 books.  12 books for 12 months.  My plan is to consistently engage in the books that have long been on my reading list, but been far too neglected (and this includes many started but never finished).  Since I plan to be realistic, for each book I plan to break down the total page number and divide it by 30/31 days and have a daily minimum of pages to be read each day.  Self discipline is a weakness of mine, so I have to stretch myself OUT of my comfort zone of not being organized or planning. (;  As a bonus, I plan to drink one cup of tea during each book reading session of every day.  Tea and a book, what could be a more grand plan?

There are a two types of books I wish to tackle this year: ones where I learn and grow in the knowledge of liberty in the realm of politics, and my understanding of God's truth.

My dear and I are reading "The Real Lincoln" together and I am amazed at our history in this country. (I love history, by the way).

So without further ado, my list:

How to Read a Book, Adler & Doren - 346 (11 pages a day)
The Bondage of the Will, Dr. Martin Luther - 260 (9 pages a day)
Nullification, Tom Woods -  266 (8 1/2 pages a day)
Last Days Madness, Gary Demar - 442 (15 pages a day)
Dollar Noncents, Peter Allison - 155 (5 pages a day)
The Excellent Wife, Martha Peace - 249 (8 1/2 pages a day)
The Creature from Jekyll Island, G. Edward Griffin - 588 (19 pages a day)
Essential Truths of the Christian Faith, R.C. Sproul (Sr.) - 287 (9 pages a day)
The Revolution a Manifesto, Dr. Ron Paul - 167 (5 1/2 pages a day)
The Death of Death in the Death of Christ, John Owen - 309 (10 pages a day)

I know this is only ten, but I'm 99.9% sure there are a couple in my church library I want to read and I can't decide which ones until I look them over. (:  The order is subject to change, but I tried to collate them where it was a Christian book then political one.  Also, literally half of those I have started and have yet to be finished, ha.  Did you like my first pick though?  I found it at a used bookstore years ago because the title caught my attention!  Perhaps this will help my reading comprehension and analytical skills to be more honed, and my reading to become more efficient.

Next year perhaps I will tackle Calvin's Institutes... but since I am trying to be realistic here, I didn't include such a feat in my list!  If I am really good, I might devour more than one book in a month.  This is my minimum goal, after all.  What books would you recommend to me?

From the Depths of My Heart

This is a post that is has been a long time coming.  A farewell to 2012, and an ushering in of the new year.  I thank the Lord for newness, what a blessed gift.

Long have I held the belief that my writings must be in a form of code.  It is a precaution against exposing the raw feelings that are deep inside, that is, a precaution against others twisting my words or losing the explanation altogether.  For too long I have been afraid of writing at all.  The deep heart-wrenching pain has caused me to keep a tighter grip on letting anyone see.  Pain unimaginable had pierced me to such a point, I wondered if I would ever heal at all.  And words, words would not come to me, and I stopped writing and instead replaced the written word with tears.  I have always expressed myself through writings, even if I never shared them with others.  When I felt I did not have the courage to write, weeping was my release.  The year of 2012 holds close to none of my writings, for they were not immortalized into the written word, but kept with a tight grip close to my heart.

Part of the fear that has held me back from writing has been the notion of not wanting to cause dishonor to fall upon anyone.  But, I've come to realize that every single one of us are sinners and imperfect.  That includes me especially.  I have never tried to claim the title of perfection or the ideal Christian, but rather the more I encounter God through His word and worship, I am more and more humbled and realize how desperately I am in need of His grace evermore.  But Christ's words still says we are to be perfect as our Heavenly Father is perfect.  I am NOT perfect, but I am to strive for it, and oh how I often I fail.  We all fail.  The difference is, some are children of God and as the Psalmist (73) says, "My heart and flesh my fail, but God is the strength of my heart and portion forever."  To the word of God I cling, for I have found how others have forsaken me.

Part of me is compelled to write now, but the other part is still hesitant.  What will I say and how should I say it?  I feel as if I have been too silent.  But in that silence the most incredible thing has happened:  I have known God as the Comforter and Healer.  I am still being comforted and am still healing.  Knowing His love and grace in this way has slowly given me back my joy, laughter, smiles, and I've realized more than anything, how important it is to live and enjoy what God has blessed me with, though I have lost so much.  Once more in my life I have learned to say as Job said, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, And naked I shall return there. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD."  Our time here on earth is but a mist, a flower that fades, here today and gone the next.  What can we take from this world?  What do we gain?  God is absolutely sovereign, and in His good pleasure He gives and He takes away.  If we bless Him when He gives, then we ought to bless Him even when He takes away.  Are His gifts more precious than the Savior Himself?  It is easy to say yes, but it is harder to live the yes.  As His chosen child, how could I even dare to say His choosing for me is not good?-after all, He is the one who chose to save me before the foundations of the world in the first place!  Why would I not also trust His choosing what might best sanctify me in this life and what will draw me nearer to Him?  The precious words of Scripture have been close to my heart for these past few years, and only over a year ago did I know intimately how true they were, Phil 3:7-8 "But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ,".

What did "all" mean for me?   My family.  I love my family more than anything else in this world.  They were the ones I poured my heart in prayer over, the ones who's prayerful tears were spilled for.  I wanted nothing more than to share the love of Christ with them every chance I had.  Yes, I often failed.  But God gave me that grace to continue to love them even when I failed... and by His grace, I grew and matured as the years passed, and as the years passed, my love was more selfless.  "All" was also the comfort of the familiar.  And yes, for the surpassing value of knowing my beautiful and precious Savior Jesus Christ, my Lord, I suffered the loss of many things.  Even my name as His child that He redeemed.  That is the worst of all, to have people that you love, and even people you don't know... to believe the worst about you and to either merely doubt you are a Christian, or to not believe you are at all.  As Paul says in 2 Corinthians 1:8b-9 "that we were burdened beyond measure, above strength, so that we despaired even of life. Yes, we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves but in God who raises the dead"  Yes, to even despair of life, but it is trusting in the Lord, not ourselves that brings us through.  When I was so broken-hearted and felt as if it were impossible to live a normal life ever again, when I sobbed so deeply and felt my pain so acutely I thought it would never end, even when I felt I could not hold on in my own strength, I was comforted by the truth of God's word once again, as David says in Psalm 63:8 "My soul follows close behind You; Your right hand upholds me.  Still, was I ever resolved to follow my Lord and Savior, and by His grace I could, for HE was the one holding me in His right hand.  All also meant my character, my image, who people saw me as, perceived me as, took me as.  All was the life I lived.  And it was a process, realizing that this "all" was loss.  It began years ago, and it felt like it lead up to one devastating loss of last year.  But even so, these alls were loss in view of the surpassing value of my blessed Redeemer.

Above all, even my dear husband, I love and treasure my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  I am learning to live the abundant life he promised as He continue to heal the wounds of my heart.  After all, Christ says in His word in John 10:10 "The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly." Stripping me of all was/is a work of Christ, and in return He is showing and continues to show me more of His love, life and truth; piecing this broken heart back together one day at a time and giving me more abundant life.  What a wonderful Savior, what a wonderful God!